I nearly had a panic attack this morning so completely overwhelmed am I feeling. Do you have those times? When you look around and feel like you could nearly suffocate from the seemingly overwhelming tasks that lie before you. Well, I’m having one of those days.
My daughter is on a year round school schedule. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that, it means that they do not attend school on a traditional calendar schedule. They attend school for nine weeks and then are out of school for three weeks. My daughter is tracked out right now, which means she is on one of her three week breaks.
Prior to her break, and during the first part of the break, she was sick. I am now sick with what she had. We usually try to take a little vacation during her track out times, and this time was no different. We had planned a ski trip to Wintergreen, VA, for this past weekend. Well, we went, but I was sick the entire time and am still getting over whatever this crud is.
Needless to say, I feel horrible physically. But now, I’m starting to feel horrible mentally and emotionally. My house is a wreck. I don’t feel like cleaning. We have laundry that needs to be done from our trip. I don’t feel like washing clothes. We had a horrible diet while we were away as the food choices were quite limited where we were, and we weren’t there long enough for it to make sense for us to buy stuff to cook. Even if we had, we literally had no where to put any groceries in the car for the trip home! Anyway, I don’t feel like cooking.
Add to this the fact that I believe God is calling me to a new area of ministry, and….well, quite frankly, I want to pull the covers over my head and not come out. I found myself telling God this morning that I couldn’t do it. He had the wrong person. I can’t have a ministry when I can’t even keep my house clean!
I don’t think I am an organized person by nature. My husband seems to think I have the personality for it as I am very methodical and meticulous. It is his opinion that I just need to learn the skills to know how to organize my time. Maybe he’s right. I don’t know. I only know I hate feeling like everything in my life is completely out of control.
As I was sitting there talking to God this morning, He spoke to my heart and said, “You can do all things through my Son who gives you strength.” My response was, “Yes, I know that Lord, but we’ve been down this road so many times. I always seem to end up in the same place. I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round and can’t get off.” I mean, really. I’m sick of having my life be this way.
I see that things need to be different, and I start on a path of trying to have that happen. I stay the course for a while, and then I’m right back to where I began. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I could scream.
I know what it really is. Spiritual warfare. And I knew it was coming. Anytime God is moving and big things are about to happen, the enemy goes on the offensive. I know he’s trying to distract me. I know he wants to make me feel inadequate and unable to do the tasks that God has called me to. I know that’s how Satan operates, and still I fall prey to his schemes. This is when I need to be even more in the Word and in prayer. God has promised me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is with me, and He knows when I am under attack. He promises me in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
No, I can’t do this in my own strength, but with His righteous right hand holding me up, there is nothing I can not do. Laundry, here I come.