My post Tuesday hinted at how the last week or so has gone. I am tired, weary, and worn. Ummm, I think that’s a line in a song…but I digress. As I was saying, it’s been a little rough. Here’s what I realized today, though. I have allowed myself to become spiritually depleted. Yep, I sure am.
I have been staying up late at night, not for anything really important. Monday was an exception (trip to the ER and all that), but the rest of the week…time in front of the TV and computer does not generate anything especially earth-shattering. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with watching television or sitting in front of the computer, unless of course, you stay up too late and then can’t get out of bed the next morning in time to have some one-on-one time with God. This is the situation in which I have found myself this past week.
I’m not really sure why I continue to allow this to happen. It’s like this never-ending cycle I seem to go through. I know better, or at least you would think that I should. It’s not like I haven’t travelled this path before. I know what happens to me when I start allowing my time with God to slip. Spiritual depletion. And it stinks! It carries over into everything else I do. Oh my gosh! Have I been a grump this week! I nearly decapitated (figuratively speaking, of course) my poor husband yesterday, right after he came home from work no less! My sweet daughter hasn’t faired much better. I mean, I’m not running around yelling and screaming at everyone, but I’m just short on patience, and I can tell I’m grouchy and not very pleasant to be around. I have found myself apologizing a lot because I hear myself, and I think, “Oh, that sounded terrible!” But, I just can’t seem to control myself. I feel so irritable.
I ran out first thing this morning to get my hair cut. When I returned home, it was nearly lunch time. I was making a sandwich for myself and thinking how tired and grumpy I felt yet again. And then it happened. I heard the voice of God so clearly (in my heart, not audibly). He said, “My child, if you would stop everything else and spend some time with Me, you would feel a lot better.”
I knew it was true. So, that’s what I did. And you know what? I do feel better. I feel calmer, less grumpy, and a little less tired. I also decided rather than beat myself up over letting this happen yet again, I would just ask God to forgive me and realize that this very moment is a new beginning. I don’t have to wait until tomorrow or next Monday. I can start right now. That’s the beauty of God’s mercies. And where there was a frown, there is a smile, not only on my face, but in my heart.