The Older I Get...

The more I realize how much family means.

I know I said Friday I had more thoughts to share about She Speaks, and I do, but I need to share this first.

We went to a birthday celebration for my uncle this past weekend who was celebrating the 75 years the good Lord has given him thus far. It was my mother's side of the family. I don't have the opportunity to see them very often. With the exception of about three people, none of them have seen my daughter, or me either for that matter, since she was about 18 months old. She is now 7.

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, then you know about my mother's mental illness. If not, you can read about that here and here.

Of course, the rest of her family isn't mentally ill, but for some reason, I never see them. My conversations with them are rare as well. Every few months, I will talk with one of my mother's sisters and catch up on what is going on with everyone, but that's about it. So when the opportunity came to spend time with them and see everyone again after so many years, I jumped at the chance.

The pig pickin' (that's southern talk for a BBQ, and I mean vinegar-based, southeastern North Carolina-styled barbecue) was at the home of my first cousin. She is the oldest daughter of the uncle who was having the birthday, and she also happens to be my mother's age within a year or two. She and my mother were pregnant at the same time. My cousin with her firstborn and my mother with my younger brother.

Because things were not supposed to begin until 5:30, we had made the decision to stay over at my cousin's house since it was a 2-hour drive back home. My brother, sister-in-law, and nephew were also staying over because the drive was about the same amount of time for them.

It was such a great weekend! Seeing family and friends I had not seen in so long and catching up was an experience I will not soon forget.

Sunday morning my senses were awakened with the smell of fresh-brewed coffee and country ham. Oh I do love me some country ham. This is not the kind from Honeybaked Ham. This is old-fashioned, salt-cured, I saw my cousin's husband cutting it off the bone to cook ham. Ham the way I remember it growing up. Scrambled eggs, blueberry pancakes, and bacon with orange juice and milk rounded out the meal. Oh, my mouth is watering again just thinking about it.

We ate, and we talked. And then we ate some more. And then we talked some more. It was truly wonderful! We spent the whole day visiting, and I couldn't have been happier.

When I went upstairs to pack up our clothes, I told my husband that I had been reminded that we actually spent a lot of time with my cousin's family when I was younger. She and my mother were good friends, and my brother and her son were pals when they were in elementary school. My brother went to their house for sleepovers, and my second cousin came to my house for sleepovers. I had forgotten about that until yesterday.

We talked some about my mom and how helpless we feel not being able to help her. My cousin teared up. I teared up. It was hard. We don't understand. I don't know if I ever will this side of heaven. So I continue trusting that she is in God's hands, and even though I don't know why He hasn't chosen to heal her, He knows what He is doing. I hang on to that.

In the meantime, though, I realize I need to make more of an effort to be with her family. They are a way to be with her without being with her. They love her as I do, and they share the pain that I feel over her illness.

I have missed them. It was good to reconnect. I have vowed to not let so much time pass before I see or talk to them again.

Is there someone whom you need to call or send a note? If so, don't wait. There's only now. We aren't promised tomorrow.

And when you talk to them, make sure you tell them that you love them. Don't assume they know.

I received an unexpected phone call on the drive home yesterday. I will share more about that tomorrow.

There's That Word Again

Check out Lysa TerKeurst's post today. You will want to read yesterday first if you don't follow her blog regularly so today's post will make more sense.

Take special note of Life Lesson #3. There's a word in there that's been coming up a lot lately.

God is definitely working around us all the time. We just have to take notice.

I'll try to come back later with some random thoughts to complete my recap of She Speaks.

Just Had to Share...

I just had to come back and share this with you.

I have been posting over the last several weeks about the things God has been showing me through my current Bible study, A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place, by Beth Moore.

I am currently in week 5, and today I was working on day 3. However, today's lesson was really long, and I got a late start this morning, so I was unable to complete the entire lesson in one sitting. After my earlier post today, I went back to my study to complete the day 3 lesson. I just have to show you what was on the last page.

Are you ready?



Sorry it's not zoomed in any closer. That's as close as my camera would get and still take the picture.

Can you read the word in the box? It's PERSEVERE!

Not only that, it's written

Persevere.

By itself.

A sentence in that one word.

A command.

He means it, ya'll!

Is God awesome or what?!?

What is My Race?

Hebrews 12: 1, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

I left off yesterday with the scripture God gave me for the five-minute teaching talk I had to prepare and give on Saturday evening at She Speaks.

Ya'll (and as some others have mentioned on their own blogs, I am from the South, and I really do talk that way), this was such a God thing! The whole talk was so Divinely inspired. I am still in awe. That God could, and more importantly, would do such an amazing thing for little 'ole, insecure, needs approval, people-pleasing me is beyond humbling.

Once I had the scripture, God and I were off and running (no pun intended..you'll understand later). I couldn't believe how He just placed everything in my head. One of the most exciting aspects of the whole experience was that He used the talk that He gave me to share with my group to speak to me!

I confessed in part one of my recap that I really wasn't sure why I was at the conference. I have found myself struggling to find my direction since I attended She Speaks the first time in 2005. And that, in essence, was the basis for my talk. I feel that God is telling me that someone else needs to hear this besides me, so I'm going to share the highlights here.

God gave me an analogy about individuals who run races. Maybe it was track in high school or college, or maybe they are preparing for the Beijing Olympics later this summer. I, for one, did not run track. Actually, I'm sort of an indoors kinda' girl. I don't even like to sweat, so that leaves out most sports in general. Anyway, I digress.

What I do know about those people who don't seem to mind sweating and who even devote a good portion of their lives to activities that promote sweating (imagine!) is that whether they choose to focus all of their energy on one particular race or on multiple races, what they all have in common is perseverance. What is perseverance?

Merriam-Webster.com defines it this way: persisting in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of (emphasis mine) counterinfluences (such as the world), opposition (possibly even family and friends), and discouragement (the Enemy). Doesn't Satan just love to discourage us at every opportunity?

I have mentioned in several posts, including this one, that I attended She Speaks in 2005. I would love to tell you that my speaking ministry just took off after that, but that would not be the truth. The truth is, I have spent the last three years trying to determine my race.

I don't know if I'm supposed to be running the 100 meters, the 200 meters, or maybe even the hurdles. Okay. Not the hurdles. I have very short legs.

Something else I do know about runners, though, is that they all have to build their endurance. Otherwise, they can't run their race regardless of where their focus lies.

Colossians 1:9-11, "9For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance (emphasis mine) and patience..."

God showed me as He gave me this talk (which I think was mostly for me) that I have been in a training phase. I have been building my endurance so that when the gun sounds, and I take off from the starting line, my endurance will be strong as I run towards the task to which my God has called me.

Maybe you are in the same place that I have been, or maybe you already know which race you are to run and have been running it for sometime. Either way, God encourages us in Hebrews 12:1 to run our race with perseverance, and I believe that extends to the training phase as well. After all, if we do not persevere through the training, how can we expect to actually make it to the starting line?

God promises us in Jeremiah 29:11 that "He knows the plans He has..." for each of us. He has a race for me, and He has a race for you. Wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing, know that it is all part of His plan. It is all a part of the race.

He Speaks at She Speaks...Again

I posted yesterday about my experience at She Speaks in 2005. God showed up and showed off. This time was no different. However, I must admit that when asked by someone I sat beside at lunch on Saturday how I was doing, I told them I was feeling a bit weird about the whole thing.

I explained yesterday about the uncertainty I felt about attending. The truth was, I just wasn't sure if image ministry was actually for me. It seemed like a good fit, and God has given me a knack in this area, but I just couldn't seem to put my finger on anything concrete.

Friday evening when we met with our evaluation groups for the first time, it was discovered that three of the ladies who were in our group had not requested the image track. Of course, we know now they were most definitely supposed to be in there, and I am so grateful I had the opportunity to meet them and spend time with them!

Anyway, they asked Shari what exactly it meant to be on the image track. She told them it was for women who specifically felt called to speak about beauty and fashion from a Christian perspective to other women. She went on to explain some about her own ministry.

At this point, I wanted to run out of the room. My teaching talk wasn't about beauty and fashion. Yes, I had signed up for the image track, and I did think that whatever I spoke about should cover that in some form or fashion (pardon the pun), but that was not how things had turned out.

I found it difficult Saturday morning to focus on my breakout sessions. My mind kept drifting which annoyed me because there were some fabulous messages being brought, and I knew I needed to be more in tune. However, I couldn't get over the disquiet I was feeling about my teaching talk.

I knew I was not going to be able to finish in five minutes. It was a good topic, but it wasn't a five minute topic. I had travelled this path before, and I did not want to find myself in the same position as last time. I did NOT want to miss the opportunity to deliver a God-honoring message in the time period I had been given. I ran into a couple of different ladies from my evaluation group during the course of the morning and lamented to both of them that I was having difficulty with the time aspect of our talk. They confessed to the same problem but suggested I stop worrying because it would be what it would be. Good advice, but I am nothing if not a tad on the stubborn side. Just ask my husband. Then again, maybe not. At lunch, I made a decision.

I decided that I would skip my afternoon sessions and go back to my hotel room. I didn't want to miss these fabulous sessions, but since I could order them on CD, I made the decision that that was what I would do. I knew I was in trouble with the talk I had prepared, and it was my desperate hope and prayer that God would provide something else. And oh did He ever!

It was the most amazing thing! The conversation went something like this.

Me: "Um, God, what do you have for me?"

God: "Open your David devotional book (Beth Moore's 90-day A Heart Like His on David)."

Me: "Where do I start, Lord? I haven't looked at that book in over a month." (I have been working on another Bible study.)

God: "Start where you left off last time."

Me: "OK."

So that is what I did. I wish I could tell you that inspiration suddenly came flying off the page and leaped into my poor, desperate brain, but, alas, it did not. I was reading in 2 Samuel, Chapter 8. Basically, David defeated everyone he went up against. It was a real shining moment for him. It would have been a real encouragement I'm sure under other circumstances. However, for my purposes, I wasn't getting it. I didn't see how this was supposed to give me a talk. BTW, time did not stand still while I was doing this, so as I looked at my watch and tried not to panic, I began praying again.

Me: "Um, God, I'm not seeing it."

God: "Keep reading."

So I did. I wish I could tell you how I got from 2 Samuel 8 to Hebrews 12:1, but either I don't know or I can't remember. I am unsure which is right. Perhaps what actually happened is God just wanted me to sit still, get into His Word and listen. I did and oh what a return on investment!

Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

I had my teaching scripture, and God and I went from there. He is so awesome, and I love Him so!

More tomorrow.

He Speaks at She Speaks

I apologize for not getting this up right away after returning from the She Speaks conference, but the truth is, I haven't quite known how to put into words the experiences that I had this weekend. As I write, I am praying that God will guide my words so that you might catch a glimpse of what is was like for me.

I discussed in a previous post attending She Speaks in 2005 and what has transpired in my life in the area of God's calling since that time. I had not been back to the conference since then as I had not felt the Lord leading me to attend. When I became aware of Shari Braendel now being a part of the Proverbs 31 speaker team, and that she would be leading a track for women who feel called to Image Ministry, it seemed the Lord was again calling me to the She Speaks conference.

I signed up almost immediately after the opening of registration because the Image track was limited to only 12 ladies. However, as time passed and I found myself struggling with what a speaking ministry might look like for me in this area, I began to question why I was going to the conference.

I would like to mention here in case you haven't read my previous post that it was an amazing experience the last time I attended. So God-filled and God-honoring, still...

I often thought about cancelling my registration but was never able to bring myself to do so. Finally, the time for the conference began to quickly approach, and I realized I had waited long enough that I would be unable to get the majority of my money back if I canceled. So it was with a confused heart that I accepted that I was going and began to try to prepare my five-minute teaching topic for Saturday evening's evaluation group. And then...nothing. Nada. Zip.

I didn't really panic about this because God didn't give me my teaching topic when last I attended until the Monday before I was scheduled to leave on Friday. I was counting on the fact that He was asking me to trust Him once again, and when He decided the time was right, He would let me know what He wanted me to say. And He did...or so I thought.

He gave me a passage of scripture and supporting material on Monday just like before, but I couldn't seem to pare it down to five minutes. I knew it was a message that needed to be heard because it was one that I needed to hear myself. Still, I was really struggling with the time issue, and this was not the first time that had happened.

When I attended in '05, my speaker team evaluator said that she thought I was headed in the right direction with my topic, but that I had not really driven my point home in the time allotted.

I need to take a little detour here and explain a bit more about that. Ordinarily, I would have been crushed by my evaluation. I think I only received a 3 out of 5 overall. Being a perfectionist by nature, under different circumstances, I probably would never have attempted this again. But as God so often does, He had other plans, and He orchestrated a way for me to be okay.

The evaluations were completed just before the evening meal. I had already decided that what was done was done and knowing what my evaluator and peers had said before I retired to my room for the evening wasn't going to change a thing, so I determined not to look at my sheets until that time.

I had only just entered the dining hall when one of the women in my group came running up to me. She told me how my message had spoken to her so deeply. She said that one of the personal stories I had shared was something she was struggling with at that very moment, and that God had spoken to her through me. Not only that, she and her sister had attended together, and they had only told one another on the way to the conference that they were both struggling with the same thing! She said she raced off after the evaluations were over to tell her sister about me and brought her over to meet me later that evening.

I was so humbled. Even before I read the evaluation sheets, I knew I had not done a very good job. I knew the topic was too big for the amount of time I had to speak, and I felt somewhat despondent sensing that I had let God and myself down.

However, the God of the universe who loves me so much, my Abba Father (I'm tearing up right now), reached down His hand to touch me through those lovely ladies to reassure me that it didn't matter if my talk had only rated a 3. He had used me to speak a word to another of His children. If I would just trust Him and continue to step out in obedience, He could and would use my seemingly paltry offering for His glory.

Oh how great is our God! I do love Him so!

Since this post is already quite long, and there is still lots more to tell, I will continue with more tomorrow.

Until then...

Tired...But In a Good Way

I'm home. It was an exhilirating and exhausting weekend all at the same time. I promise I will be back later tonight or tomorrow with a recap of my weekend, but for now I am enjoying spending time with my family.

Off to She Speaks

Well, I'm off to She Speaks early tomorrow morning. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This is my second time attending, so I know what an awesome experience it is going to be. I can not wait to meet some of my fellow Christian women bloggers out there who bless the blogosphere with their thoughts, wit, and wisdom on a daily basis.

More than that, though, I am looking forward with great expectation and anticipation to what God has in store for all of us. I know from past experience it will be a wonderful God-filled weekend, and I will be excited to share with you when I get back. Having said that, no, I won't be blogging while I am gone, so this will be my last post until probably next Monday.

In the meantime, I sure would covet your prayers as I haven't quite worked out all the kinks in my five-minute teaching talk yet! Yikes! I just can't seem to pare it down to five minutes. I mean really! It takes me that long just to say Hello! And my testimony in three minutes!?! Oh Lord, help me please!

If you're going to be there, I do so hope we will have an opportunity to meet, and if not, I pray you have a blessed weekend with the Lord.

Wordless Wednesday

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water!

Spiritual Water Emergency

**Updated to include book of the Bible from which passage of scripture was taken**

1The Pharisees heard that Jesus was gaining and baptizing more disciples than John, 2although in fact it was not Jesus who baptized, but his disciples. 3When the Lord learned of this, he left Judea and went back once more to Galilee.
4Now he had to go through Samaria. 5So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour.
7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)
9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a])
10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."
11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"
13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
15The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." John 4:1-15 (NIV)

Yesterday I posted about our town's water emergency. God turned this into a spiritual illustration for me.

Have you ever had a spiritual water emergency? I think the obvious answer is that all of us who are Christians had one before we came to know Jesus as Lord and Savior of our lives. Those who still live in unbelief are in the middle of a water crisis even though they may not know it.

Jesus told the Samaritan woman in verse 10 of the above passage of scripture that He could give her living water. The woman does not understand that He is referring to Himself. Jesus goes on to say in vv. 13-14 that whoever drinks of the water from the well will thirst again, but those who drink the water He gives will never thirst.

The human body is made up largely of water. Men are comprised of 60 to 65 percent water while women are 50 to 60 percent water. Water is necessary for our survival. We can survive for only about a week or so in comfortable surroundings with little or no water. That isn't a very long time. In short, without water, we will die.

It is no different for us spiritually. Romans 6:23 states, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." He IS the Living Water. Without Him, there will be no life for us eternally when our bodies leave this earth.

But God took this one step further with me. Even though I have the Living Water and my salvation is secure, I can still find myself in a different kind of "spiritual water emergency." The kind that exists when I allow myself to become too busy and stop coming to His well to drink. Eventually, and it actually doesn't take that long, my cup will become empty. I will have drained any reserve I had. My lips will become parched and cracked, my tongue swollen from the lack of spiritual hydration.

His well never runs dry. It is always there for me, but I must come and sit by it each day and drink my fill. Just as my physical body needs water to survive, so, too, does my soul need His Living Water to survive. Without either, I will surely die.

Is your soul in need of His refreshment today?

Water Emergency

A rather unexpected thing happened yesterday in the town in which I live. We woke up to a "water emergency." In case you haven't ever had that happen in your sweet little town, let me explain.

The water main which supplies our town with water had burst during the night. It provides our ONLY source of water. Note the emphasis on ONLY. Yes, you did read that right. Therefore, broken water main equals only available water is what is in reserve. And in case you are unaware, I live in the South. We've been in a drought for nearly a year now. We recently came out of it...sort of, but reserves of water are in short supply.

Town officials immediately went to work to re-establish two existing connections which had been stopped, but even with those connections, the supply only amounted to about 1/3 of daily demand.

While I did not wake up yesterday morning and have nothing happen when I turned on the water, we were told that until further notice, we were not to use water for anything other than drinking and cooking. Note the absence of the word "bathing" in that last sentence. It was Father's Day, People! Not that I only bathe on Father's Day, mind you, but come on!

Now before you think I'm being all whiny and showing a lack of understanding about the issues here, believe me, I'm very clear about the issues. I get it. I got it, and in case you're wondering, I did NOT bathe yesterday. Does that count as TMI? If so, I do apologize, and you can just pretend you didn't read it. That way, we can go back to being friends who think only the best of one another, 'k?

Just so you know, I start EVERY DAY with a shower. It's what I do as soon as I get out of bed. It's how I wake up. Some people start with coffee. Me? I start with a nice, warm shower, so yesterday was off to a less than stellar beginning. But it was Father's Day after all, so I made the best of it and commenced making a special breakfast for my husband, assisted by my daughter, of course.

I continually checked the town's website throughout the day to see if the water main had been repaired and the restrictions lifted, but to no avail. Then, about 4:00pm yesterday, a new notice was posted that the restrictions would stay in place until further notice, and the water main would most likely not be repaired until sometime this afternoon or possibly even tomorrow! Say what? Please note there was still no mention of bathing. You will be happy to know, though, they did include flushing in the allowable uses! I won't elaborate on that one any further. You get the idea.

So, here's my question. If it were you, would you shower, perhaps turning the water off while you lather up, or do you continue not to bathe until the restrictions are lifted? I really would like to hear from some of you on this. A rather vocal debate has ensued since this began in my immediate family, and I'm curious to hear your position on it.

BTW, you'll be happy to know the indoor restrictions were lifted about 11:45 today.

Stay tuned tomorrow when I share how God used this to show me a spiritual application.

Fanning the Flame - Part 3

God broke me yesterday. I realized that I can't fan the flame. God has to do that. As long as I try to do it myself, it can not burn hot and bright as I move forward in all that God has for me to give as well as receive.

Hebrews 12:29 states, "for our God is a consuming fire." (NIV) I sat at His holy feet yesterday morning, and I got burned by His gentle conviction. It was painful. It stung. I cried as He tenderly cradled me in His loving arms and comforted me as I nursed my wounds. You see, as I sat with Him, He then used another purification process to show me what has been going on all along.

Day 4 of this week's study focused on God's instruction to the priests, specifically Aaron and his sons, that they were not to enter the Tabernacle without first washing their hands and feet. Beth then sent us over to John, Chapter 13, which describes Jesus' washing of the disciples feet at the Passover Feast.

In verse 8, Peter tells Jesus that He shall never wash his feet. Note Jesus' reply, also in verse 8. "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Beth points out that Jesus' washing of only their feet seemed to imply an ongoing cleansing enabling them to walk with Him. It was about relationship and the need to maintain it, but washing their feet was also about servanthood.

In verse 14 of that same chapter, Jesus then tells them they should wash one another's feet. It is in this next part that God showed me what I had not seen before.

Beth lists seven reasons why we have difficulty following Jesus' command to wash one another's feet.

One is we lack the assurance of who we are. She points out John 13:3 which says that Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power. "He knew His position with His Father. He had nothing to prove; therefore, He was not humiliated by humility." (Pg. 86) "If you know who you are in Christ, your personal ego is not an issue. Sadly, most Christians do not have the confidence in Christ to humble themselves." (Pg. 86)

That's when it hit me. I finally understood what the problem has been all along. It hasn't been fear. It hasn't been a lack of confidence, at least not in the way that I had thought. No. Instead, it has been something far worse. Pride.

Pride. The truth is, I haven't wanted to face rejection. I have worried about what other's would think of me. I worried I would fail. I thought perhaps it was fear, but I was wrong.

I knew I was sinning by disobeying, but it was more than that. I was being prideful. And I didn't even know it.

I was right about the lack of confidence, but mistaken about the specifics. The lack of confidence came from not trusting in who I am in Christ. As Beth points out, Romans 8:17 tells us that we are co-heirs with Christ. Jesus knew His position with His Father, and I can, too.

I don't need to worry about what other people think of me. My success or failure is in God's hands. If I am rejected, it matters not because my confidence stems from who God says I am. The rejection might bring more humility, but I need not be humiliated by it. My personal ego is not an issue. It is not necessary for me to prove anything. I only need obey.

And so, I am standing again. I have picked up my poker and am stoking the burning embers. It's not a raging fire yet, but it is growing in intensity. And while I did receive some burns along the way, those will heal, and my relationship with Him is more the richer for it.


All quotations with page references are taken from A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place by Beth Moore.

Fanning the Flame - Part 2

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you..." 2 Timothy 1:6 (NIV)

God Himself lit the flame that burned at the altar of sacrifice. He instructed the priests that the fire was never to go out. They had to add wood continually to insure the flame was never exhausted. As Beth Moore puts it on page 80 of my study, "God lit the fire, but humans had to fuel it."

She also points out that if we have accepted Christ as Lord and Savior of our lives, then a flame was lit in each of us at the moment of salvation. The Holy Spirit came in bringing with Him the spiritual gifts God intended for us as individuals to be used to fulfill our life's purposes.

The fire was lit, but we have to fuel it. Praying and studying His word to discern His will for our lives adds fuel. But it's not enough to just add wood. We have to stoke the fire. If you have ever sat and watched a fire for any length of time, then you know that simply watching it does not keep it burning. You must move. You need to protect it from the wind and the rain that threatens to extinguish it in the form of fear and disobedience.

I am sitting still. I can see the fire. It has burned down to glowing embers. I want to fan it, make it burn hot and bright again, but I feel paralyzed. What to do?

Fanning the Flame

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you...(2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

I am continuing to work on week 4 of my Bible study, A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place. The last couple of weeks have been heavy on the Ouch! factor.

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you will have noticed an ongoing theme. One that concerns my seeming inability to jump off a cliff into the waters of obedience where God's blessings flow like the purest mountain stream. I posted previously about doing something just because Jesus said so and about being slow to obey. Those posts were in February. I haven't gained much ground since then I don't think.

I feel stymied. I can't explain it. I don't know if it's fear. I don't know what it is. Lack of confidence? Maybe.

If I believe God's Word to be true, and I do, then why the difficulty relying on Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength?" Arghhhh! Sometimes I get so angry with myself!

Last week in my study I read about Bezalel. I admit I had never heard of him before. In case you haven't either, I will elaborate a bit. Bezalel's story can be found in Exodus 31:1-11. God told Moses that He had filled Bezalel with "the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts-to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship." (vv. 3-5) This was so Bezalel, along with another character mentioned in vv. 1-11, Oholiab, could furnish God's dwelling place.

Bezalel didn't have the skills or knowledge to do these things until the Spirit of God came upon Him. But God called him to the job, and then He equipped him for it.

How many times have you heard the phrase, "God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called?" Do I believe that? Really? If I do, then what's the problem? If I don't, then...well, we have bigger issues!

The truth is, I do believe it. I see God equip people to fulfill their life's calling all the time. And I see the power of God at work in their lives. I know it had to have come from God. Heck, I experienced that myself just this past Friday. That wasn't me. I know that. It was totally God! No question. I give Him all the credit.

Beth Moore says this about Bezalel. "His job was out of his league. God purposely assigned Bezalel a task beyond his capability so that He could fill him with His power."

Concerning fulfilling our own purposes, Beth says this:

"Anything of priority in the Kingdom is out of our league. God places us in positions beyond our capabilities so that we will be at His absolute mercy, realizing that only He can succeed. God searches for laborers who will simply let Him do His job through them as His vessels. When you work for God, with your assignment comes the guarantee that you will be equipped for the job." (Pg. 64)

Ummm...yeah, what she said.

Then of course this week, Day 1 talks about how "one of our greatest battles is within ourselves, warring with our minds." (Pg. 76)

And then back to the whole obedience thing.

"Our obedience does not make God bigger or better than He already is. His essence is unchanged by our obedience or lack of it. Anything God commands of us is so that our joy may be full--the joy of seeing His glory revealed to us and in us." (Pg. 79)

Which brings me to our scripture reference at the top of the page. Second Timothy 1:6: "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you..."

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow.

All quotes with page number references are from A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place by Beth Moore.

Graduates...Ten Years From Now

Yesterday at church, we had the recognition of the high school graduates. I watched as 30-some 17 and 18 year old's walked across the stage as their name was called, received a NIV study Bible, and the youth pastor shared cute anecdotes about each one. Included in this was their thoughts on what they would be doing ten years from now.

Later, as he addressed them collectively, he talked about how faith would play out for each of them. For some, it would become very real. Some, they would stumble a bit, and still other's... well, they were probably going to walk away from their faith altogether. Do you think any of them had written that down when they were asked about what they would be doing in ten years?

I thought about this a lot. I have heard it said that this happens frequently when our children go off to college because while we have told them what they should believe, we haven't told them WHY they should believe it. We haven't helped them establish WHY it is truth.

With those thoughts in mind, I came home yesterday and was browsing some of my favorite blogs. I cruised over to Lysa TerKeurst who had posted about this very thing on Saturday. She had a guest poster by the name of Frank Turek. He co-authored the book, I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist. He is the president of Crossexamined.org. His organization travels to college campuses giving seminars on the truth of Christianity.

The post on Lysa's blog included a number of video links, most of which I have viewed. To say that this topic struck a chord with me yesterday is an understatement.

I live in a home with one individual who doesn't buy into the "whole faith thing." The other one is telling me that sometimes they think "they believe in God and Jesus," and other times they think "the stories in the Bible are just like any other stories we read." Discouraging? You bet.

I know that I believe in God and Jesus because I know that I am a sinner saved by grace. I have experienced the power of God working in my life. I have been rescued from the pit more times than I can count, and I know that I know that I know.

I am surrounded by a family of intellectuals who don't know Jesus as Lord and Savior of their lives. I don't know how to talk to them because they don't share my "faith." They want concrete evidence, and the truth is, I don't have the words to give it to them. I can share my experiences, and while on the one hand, experience is difficult to refute, on the other hand, it's also difficult to validate. It's just that...my experience.

I need to know more about what Frank has to say. I hope that God can use him to help me, and if you are in a situation similar to mine, I hope that God will use him to help you, too. Check them out. Crossexamined.org.

A Shout Out for God

I am in awe of God today. I am so overwhelmed, I don't quite know where to begin. I may ramble a bit, so bear with me here.

Where to start...I am attending She Speaks, a conference hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries, in a couple of weeks. It is a training conference for women who feel led to public speaking and writing in women's ministry. I attended in 2005. You can read more about that experience and the time in between here. Proverbs 31 Ministries has added a leadership training track as well as a track called the Next Generation for girls 12-17 who want to step out and lead amongst their peers since I attended in '05. This year, they have added an Image Ministry track with Shari Braendel, and that is the track on which I will be attending.

I believe God may have narrowed my focus some since I originally felt the call to go to the conference. That is all explained in the post I linked to earlier. So...on to what He has been up to in the last few months.

I have been facilitating a Bible study in my neighborhood for about a year now. Two of the ladies who participate co-lead their daughters Junior Girl Scout troop. One of the badges the girls have to earn is called "Feeling Your Best." Angie, one of the leaders, asked me if I would come and give a talk to the girls about what colors look good on them, how to dress modestly, etc. I said I would be glad to participate. This was originally supposed to happen in March, but I didn't hear anything about it again until April at which time we scheduled it for yesterday, June 6.

Now, I must admit, I wasn't really expecting this to be a big deal. When I say that, I do not mean it to sound like because they were young girls or because it was for a Junior troop, I didn't feel it was important. Not at all! Anytime one has the opportunity to influence young people of any age, I believe it should be taken seriously. It was more that I thought I would just go and play with some color with them for a bit, we would talk a little bit about clothes and fashion, and that would be it. You know, some girly fun. But, oh no! God had other ideas.

I confess I had not done a lot of preparation for this because, again, I really thought we were just going to have some fun. While we did have fun, it was so much more than that.

As I sat down yesterday and began to prepare, God showed me almost immediately that it was going to be so much more than I had thought or could have even begun to imagine.

I grabbed my notebook that I scribble everything in and began to jot down a basic outline. However, as I sat there, God just flooded me with...I don't even know how to describe it. As He kept adding things to what I realized was HIS outline and not mine, I quickly realized that I was going to have to go upstairs and type this up on the computer because I was making a lot of changes and additions. I wouldn't have been able to read my own notes otherwise!

Ya'll, I spent hours on this thing! I'm not complaining, mind you. I was just stunned at what God was giving me. I still am. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was ALL HIM! I am awed. I am humbled. I am overwhelmed.

What I originally thought was just going to be some girly fun turned out to be so much more. As I began to realize this was going to be a "real talk," I started to get nervous. My stomach got queasy, and suddenly, I didn't want to do this anymore. But God assured me that He was with me, that He had ordained it and anointed it.

I prayed all afternoon. I prayed all the way there. The calm reassurance continued to come. "I am with you. Never will I leave you. I am in control."

By the time I arrived, I actually felt well enough to be able to eat a piece of pizza with the girls before it was time for me to do my presentation.

I should probably mention that I had called Angie earlier in the week to make sure we were on the same page about her expectations for the talk. I asked if it was okay for me to use scripture. After all, it wasn't a religious function per se. She said it was absolutely fine, that they prayed together before meals and meetings. I discussed a couple of verses I might use, and she was fine with that. I also asked her during that same conversation how much time I had. She said they had allotted an hour, but I could do any amount of time I wanted from 15 minutes up to one hour.

After what God had given me yesterday, I knew I was going to be at least 30 minutes. It went for an hour! The girls made comments. They asked questions. They made suggestions concerning the aspects of modesty we were discussing. I have tears in my eyes just writing about it so overwhelmed am I still. God is so good!

There were four mom's there. They all loved it. Angie said it was absolutely perfect for the girls, and that I was very good at it. I don't mention that to "toot my own horn," only to say again, "Go God!" It was ALL Him, and I give Him all the credit and glory.

I am still shaking my head in disbelief. It was amazing.

I have long felt called to work with young girls, but more in the late middle to high school-aged range. And I still think that God has work for me there. Actually, I know that He does. But, maybe there's more to it than I originally thought. What I saw last night. What I experienced. It was incredible. God reiterated something for me last night that I knew but hadn't dwelled on a whole lot. Those girls last night, their age group, it's then that we need to start talking to them about modesty. About what it means to weigh the world's standard against God's and to then make a choice about whose standard we will follow.

They were interested, excited even. And they knew what I was talking about. The understood. I can't tell you the stories I heard last night of fourth and fifth grade girls already dressing immodestly, of boys doing things that while quite boy-like, were also kind of scary for a mom to hear that her "little girl" was being exposed to. Girls whose friends were already getting "really boy-crazy." These girls are 9, 10, and 11!

Yes, it's now, with them, probably even younger, actually. My daughter, who is seven, went with me last night. I wasn't discussing anything that I didn't feel it was okay for her to hear, and since she knows some of these girls, had been invited and wanted so much to "hang out" with the "older" girls, I let her go.

We decided to go out to breakfast this morning. My daughter said to me, "Mom, I can't stop looking at that woman's bra straps." This was one of the "5 B's of modesty" that we had talked about last night. No bra straps showing. Of course, I told her not to stare or be rude, but I was also thankful to know that she had listened and absorbed what I had said, and when she then saw someone not adhering to the standard we had set out last night, she knew it was not for her. (Not that she's wearing a bra yet, but you know what I mean.) Again, God is good.

He knew I needed that last night, in so many ways. I can not tell you how many times over the last few months I have thought that I should cancel my registration to She Speaks. I just kept thinking I didn't need to go. I don't even have my teaching speech yet. But God knows what it is, and when He decides to give it to me, I can know and trust that it is what He wants. It will be His talk, and whether it goes well, or I mess it up badly, He will still show up, and His purposes will be accomplished.

Ever in humble awe of our mighty Lord, I wish you...

Blog Your Face

The ladies over at Chic Critique are sponsoring a Blog Your Face giveaway. All posts have to be up by 5:00 EDT today to be considered for the giveaway, and, as you can see, I'm barely squeaking in. However, if you didn't make the giveaway deadline but think this sounds like fun, then feel free to join in and blog your face on your own blog. Here goes for me.



This is my BEFORE picture. I had my husband take this picture last night because no one is up at my house to take a picture of me before I put on my makeup. Still, the regimen is the same...almost.

Said regimen includes Mary Kay (I'm a consultant) TimeWise 3-N-1 Cleanser (Cleanser, Freshener, and Exfoliant in one nifty little product). Last night, I used a Clarins (gasp!) acne treatment next. (I had it left over from before I started using Mary Kay.) I don't know if you can tell in the picture or not, well, at least not in this smaller version anyway, but there is a nice little zit trying to form on my nose. Trust me, in the larger version, it looks like a blinking sign! Go figure! Thirty-seven, scaring the heck out of 38, and I still have the occasional zit.

Next was my Mary Kay TimeWise Night Solution, which is supposed to renew my skin's cells at night while I sleep. How wonderful! I normally have another step before this, but I have been out of a product for a while. Hmmm...I think I need to contact my MK consultant! Hah! Just kidding. Seriously. I AM my best customer! Anyhoo, that product is the Mary Kay Even Complexion Essence. As I have begun that process called..shhh..aging, I have begun to develop some redness on my face, specifically on my cheeks, close to my nose. This product helps even out your skin tone.

Okay..next step. Mary Kay TimeWise Moisturizer and then on to the eyes. Mary Kay TimeWise Targeted Action Eye Revitalizer. You can't really tell so much in the picture, but there are some dark circles under those eyes. This product helps with that. I admit I was skeptical when that product came out, but it works! The reason you can't see the dark circles in the picture is because I have been using this product for sometime now. I then use the Mary Kay TimeWise Firming Eye Cream. It goes under the eye area to help with the elasticity of the skin under the eyes. It helps combat those pesky little laugh lines and also has a moisturizer. Lastly is the Mary Kay Targeted Action Line Reducer. It helps tighten up the skin where wrinkles have begun to form. Me, personally, I use it to help tighten up those craters that are forming on either side of my mouth. Again, it really does work!

I was going to post step-by-step pictures of the transformation process, but, again, no one up to help me document, and I simply didn't have time to set up the tripod and all that jazz. So, it's just a before and after picture for me. Sorry!



First things first. Gotta' put some MK Yellow concealer on those dark circles under my eyes. If you don't have Yellow concealer, you have to get some. That stuff is your best friend for dark circles and redness. It actually works better than concealer the same color as your foundation in my opinion. Of course, I use a yellow-toned foundation, so I guess if you used a pink-toned foundation, it might not work as well. However, a little tip here. According to Robert Jones, who is a makeup artist "to the stars," and MK's glamour consultant, everyone has yellow undertones in their skin, no matter how slight. He says that we should always strive to push our makeup towards the warmer (yellow, olive, etc.) tones because it makes us look younger. Pink undertones cause us to look older. As someone who started using MK foundation in a pink undertone, I have to agree. The foundation seemed to match perfectly. For about a year after starting with the MK makeup, every time I would finish with my makeup, I would look at myself in the mirror and think, I look old! Finally, I read this tip from Robert Jones and tried another color in a yellow undertone. (I am always practicing with new MK makeup on myself so as to better be able to help my customers). Voila! I was convinced! I am much happier now. Okay, that was quite long-winded I know, but I hope someone will find it helpful.

Where was I? Oh yes, concealer. So I put yellow concealer on the dark circles and any blemishes. I then use my MK Medium-Coverage Foundation in Ivory 100. This is the lightest shade they make. What can I say? I'm a fair-skinned kinda' girl. Oh, I forgot something. I also put MK eye primer on my lids after the concealer so it can dry adequately while applying foundation. I do this because my eyelids tend to get oily and my eyeshadow still looks fresh at the end of the day if I use the eye primer.

The above makeup combination is a typical day for me. Occasionally, I might switch out depending on what I am wearing (this is not necessary), but as a general rule, with one exception, this is it.

Eye Color. All MK, of course. Spun Silk (cream/shimmer) applied on the brow. Hazelnut (brown/matte) applied on the lid. Jungle (green/matte) (the dark side..it's a duet with a light and dark). Next is eyeliner. MK, too. Typically, I wear Sable (now called Brown or Deep Brown, I forget which). Today, however, because I was wearing a green shirt, I wore Sage (green-now called Olive). I do apply it to the top and bottom. Above and below the lash lines. I then use MK Ultimate Lash Mascara in Black. My cheek color is Safari Sunset (another duo-I use the brown side). I then top it off with MK Ivory 200 Dual-Coverage Powder Foundation (applied with a powder brush) to set my foundation and blush. Lastly, the lips. I am wearing MK Neutral lip liner (which I always wear, lip liner that is), MK Apricot Glaze lipstick, and just a touch of MK Lip Gloss in Gold Rush applied in the middle of both the upper and lower lips.

Okay, if you're still with me after all that, I think we're all done here.

More on Abraham

A few weeks ago when I began the Bible study on which I am currently working, I posted about Abraham. I had hoped to post more about him, but, as of yet, that has not happened.

My bloggy friend, Jim Jordan, over at Moral Science Club posted a comment on my Abraham post. He included a link to a lesson he taught on Chapter 22 of Genesis when Abraham was told to sacrifice his son, Isaac. It is a really great read! I encourage you to go check it out.

Annoying Interruptions

This morning I was supposed to be going to the doctor at 9:30 to discuss a prescription I take regularly for acid reflux. About 15 minutes before I was planning to leave, the doctor's office called asking if I could come later in the morning. Apparently, they have a new computer system and in the process of trying to work out all the kinks, they overbooked their schedule and had two people scheduled for the time slot in which I was supposed to come. I was annoyed to say the least.

Now, the truth is, it wasn't that much of an inconvenience for me to come at a later time. I did have something else planned during the later appointment time, but it wasn't anything I couldn't delay. Some days, I might not have been able to rearrange my schedule, but this wasn't one of those days, and yet, I was still annoyed. I had my day planned out, and I didn't like their office coming in and changing things on me.

I started thinking about this later. I wonder how many times God tries to interrupt our days, but rather than seeing the interruption as the divine appointment that it is, we simply become annoyed because things are not turning out the way we had planned. I wonder how many people have crossed my path who might have been touched by Him through me, but whom I didn't see because I was too busy and didn't want to be bothered. How many blessings have I and others missed because I was annoyed by a scheduling change and unwilling to go with it?

This is another reason that having our quiet, alone time with Him is so important. We must be ever vigilant about developing a personal, intimate relationship with Him so that we are in tune with His will. This equips us also to better recognize when those divine appointments come.

The book of 1 Kings, verses 11-12, tell about how when Elijah was in hiding, God told him that He was going to pass by. A great and powerful wind came and shattered the rocks on the mountain, but the Lord was not in the wind. Next came an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After that was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire came a gentle whisper. Elijah knew that the gentle whisper was the Lord.

Spend time with Him. Make it a priority so that you, too, can recognize and hear the gentle whisper. That annoying interruption just might be God Himself.

The Presence of God

I began week 4 of A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place today. This week begins the study of the actual building of the tabernacle that God instructed the Israelites to build where He would come and dwell among them.

I first watched the video of Beth Moore introducing this week's study. It was all about the presence of God and what it means to have His presence with us. She mentioned that many would ask the question what does it look like to have God's presence with us? How would you know? The answer is sometimes it is subtle, and sometimes it is so overwhelming, it is almost palpable. (This is my answer, not her's.)

She did give an example of being in a fast-food restaurant one day ordering and a woman was standing at the counter beside her. She said the presence of God was so strong on this woman that it made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. She said she just knew this woman was a believer even though she had never met her before. As it turns out, the woman was in fact a believer, and she said they stood there hugging like they had known one another forever. She made the point that people thought they were crazy...but...they didn't blend in. Hmmm...

Moses got to experience the real, palpable presence of God. In Exodus 33, scripture tells us of how before the tabernacle was built, Moses would pitch a tent, which they called the "tent of meeting." It was there that he would go to meet with God. Verse 11 tells us that "the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend." Wow! Can you imagine? Verse 23 tells us that Moses could not look upon the face of the Lord but how amazing to have God Almighty Himself speak to you as a friend!

Oh to have His presence be that real in my life! To have it be so strong that I could almost touch it. To be so immersed in it that when another sees me who has never laid eyes on me before they would know immediately that I am a believer because the hair stands up on the back of their necks! That's what I want!

I have lived my life out of His will before. Although I was sealed by His Holy Spirit at the moment of salvation and that same Holy Spirit never left me, I know what it is like to live in rebellion and disobedience so enmeshed in my sin that I can no longer feel His presence. I have never felt so bereft in my life, and I never want to feel that way again!

Thank You, Lord, for being a relational God. Thank You for creating me with a need and desire to know You and have a relationship with You. Thank You for wanting to have a relationship with me. I know You don't need a relationship with me, but I am so thankful that You desire to have one. Thank You for sending Your Precious Son, Jesus, to save me from my sin so that one day I will stand face to face in Your glorious presence and worship You as I never have before. I love You, Lord, and while I am here on this earth, may your presence be so real to me that not only do I feel I can almost touch it, but may other's want to know how they can have it, too. In that most Precious Name that is above all Names I pray, Amen.