Dawn Ward

Guard Your Heart

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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Am I On Candid Camera?

Do you ever have one of those moments when you just know that any second someone is going to come out and tell you that it’s all been a cruel joke and you were really on Candid Camera? Well, that is the direction my day has taken, which is why I am now sitting in front of the computer sharing it with you. I am afraid to do anything else for fear of how it might turn out! Kidding! Anyway…

The day began just like any other day. After my husband and daughter had left for work and school respectively, I began the process of cleaning up after breakfast. That’s when it happened. I went to the pantry to put something away. First, I smelled it. Then, I saw it. Something had leaked, exploded, thrown up?!? Who knows? Regardless, it had made a giant mess! But that was only the beginning of my Candid Camera moment.

So I began the process of cleaning the stuff up, but then I saw there was a mess inside of a mess. Molasses had leaked also and had formed a hard bondo-type formation underneath a box of spaghetti.

How does molasses leak you might wonder? Well, if you turn it upside down in hopes of getting that last little bit to run to the top and leave it that way….not only will it come to the top, it will leak out under your box of spaghetti. Of course, said spaghetti is in the way of the exploding can of mandarin oranges, so you try to remove it in order to clean up both messes. However, you discover that molasses makes great cement. The box will not budge. You apply as much pressure as you can muster to the box of spaghetti which eventually gives way leaving behind only a small portion of the cardboard box in the cement molasses. But wait! The end of the box of spaghetti is not secured and spaghetti noodles go flying everywhere. And just to make sure your life is complete, as you step down off the step stool on which you have been standing, you do so right in the middle of a pile of noodles which break into many pieces under your feet thus adding to your already huge mess!

Alright…I give up. Where is the camera? I know it’s here. It must be behind the can that blew up because this just can’t be happening on its own.

All I can say is this, scenarios just like this one are the very reason why we need to begin each day with God! Thankfully, I had done so this morning. Otherwise, I may have just gotten in my car spaghetti-filled slippers and all and driven off for parts unknown!

Blessings,

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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Moving Forward With the Fear?

I am feeling very unsettled today. I still haven’t signed on to take the 30-day One Month to Live challenge, although I am continuing to read each day’s entry as it comes. Today is Day 6, and it talks about a couple of the reasons why we don’t live out the life God has for us. The second reason discussed is fear. Hel-lo! That would be my reason. Why am I afraid? The truth is, I am afraid of failure. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t ever tried anything and failed at it before. That has happened plenty of times. For some reason, though, this…thing…this path I think God is calling me to with Mary Kay is different for me.

I go to the meetings and the conferences, or at least I used to go. I actually quit going months ago because it was too depressing. Anyway, I would see all those women who have been, and still are, wildly successful in the Mary Kay business. They are living out their dream, but I simply don’t see it for myself. I think part of it is a carryover from my mom.

My mom’s entire life was one big, unfulfilled dream. Dreams…she had lots of them. I know because she talked about them. I saw her attempt to start living out each one. I watched her take more first steps than I can count. Our house was full of the ruins of each unfulfilled dream. I wonder if it contributed to her eventual descent into another world. I know that mental illness is an actual disease. Still, I can’t help questioning whether or not things might have been different if she had seen even one of those dreams come to fruition. She couldn’t make it happen in her own strength, and apparently, she either didn’t know how to ask the One whose strength could make it happen, or she chose not to take it when He offered it. I don’t know, and she may never be lucid enough again for me to ask her.

I do not wish to leave behind a legacy of unfulfilled dreams to my own daughter. When I am no longer here, I hope my daughter will be able to say, “My mom loved God with all her heart and pursued His purposes for her life with everything she had.” A field of dreams lying in ruins is not the image I want her to have. The one I have of my own mother is enough for both of us. In order for me to do this, though, I have to get past this fear…or maybe I have to move forward in spite of it.

Blessings,

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Monday, March 3, 2008

Ben Stein – Expelled

Thanks to my new bloggy friend, Compassion Dave, for making me aware of a new movie coming out in April. God can use anyone and anything. I am now anxious to see what He will do with this. Go watch the trailer for Expelled now!

Blessings,

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Dawn Ward

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