Dawn Ward

Guard Your Heart

A Weepy Day

If you read my previous post, then you know last Thursday I was having one of those days. Well, it seems like it may have turned into one of those weeks! Please indulge me here for a few moments. I’m hoping that now I’m past the worst of it, we can all share a good laugh.

If last week was a near panic attack, then today was a near meltdown! I mean of the weepy, emotional kind. I am very emotional by nature, and God thought my primary spiritual gift should be mercy. I realize He’s the God of the universe, and He knows what He’s doing, so I try not to question what He thought I needed. Still, there are days….

Hallmark commercials…pass the tissues, please. Sappy song on the radio…I carry tissues in the car just for this very thing! (Yes, Christmas Shoes makes me cry. I know some people think it’s over the top, but I see that little boy standing at the counter instead, and I am so done!) Need someone to just “have a good cry” with you? I’m your gal. Seriously, whoever invented waterproof mascara had me in mind when they did it!

As I told you in my previous post, I’ve been sick. Well, I thought I was getting better over the weekend only to wake up this morning feeling much worse. Yuck, yuck, and double yuck! Neither the cleaning fairy, laundry fairy, grocery fairy, or cooking fairy visited my home while I have been out of commission. Honestly! Where do those girls hang out? I can assure you it’s not here! When next I see them, I plan to tell them they are fired!

So, anyway, I was feeling quite awful this morning. So much so that I decided I needed to cancel the Bible study I facilitate in my neighborhood. I also missed the PTA board meeting today. That’s three in a row. C’est la vie!

While I was able to cancel those activities, since the grocery fairy so unkindly decided against visiting my home, a trip to our local Super Walmart could not be canceled. My daughter is still tracked out of school, so I dropped her at my mother-in-law’s house since she didn’t think grocery shopping with me would be fun. Can you imagine? There’s reason to cry right there!

On my way to Walmart, I was listening to our local K-Love station (Contemporary Christian music), and the voice of a young girl came on the radio. She wanted to request a song for her mother. The DJ, Kelly Caldwell, asked her if there was a reason behind her request, and she responded that there was. She said that her mother was having a chemo treatment today, and she listens to K-Love while she is receiving the treatment. The girl, McKayla was her name, wanted to request this song for her mother. She was at school, and her teacher had told her she could call. She then began to cry while talking to Kelly who responded that she would be praying for McKayla and her mother, and she knew all the K-Love listeners would be doing the same. Well, you can imagine. This just sent me over the edge. Now I was driving and crying! Thank goodness I was nearly to Walmart! I sat in the car trying to compose myself and wiping my very red nose before going inside.

Once inside, I took off with a vengeance trying to get in and out as quickly as possible. I still didn’t feel well, and my head hurt from crying! In case you’re wondering, yes, I did say a prayer for McKayla and her mother. I got to the back of the store, and wouldn’t you know it…no organic milk…of any kind! I opened the freezer door peering in hopefully that there would be some kind, gracious Walmart employee back there who could get me the milk I needed. No such luck! I searched and searched and there wasn’t a Walmart employee in sight! Finally, I saw a man come out of the back, and since he was wearing a button-down shirt, I assumed he was a manager. Ahhh, we’re in luck. I knew he would help me. I flagged him down, and he headed in my direction. As he got closer, I saw that his shirt was embroidered “Nabisco.” Shoot fire! He doesn’t work here!

Bless his dear heart, he still tried to help me. He kindly asked if I needed assistance in the dairy section, and I replied that I did, but that it was okay because I understood that he didn’t work there. He responded that he would be glad to go in the back for me to see if he could locate someone who could assist me. In a couple of minutes he came back out and said, “They’re all cleared out back there. I think they all go on break at the same time!” Well, of course they do! They probably knew I was coming and was going to cry all over them because they didn’t have my milk! To the kind Nabisco gentleman’s credit, he offered again to try to locate someone for me, (he probably saw the red nose and felt sorry for me), but I assured him that I appreciated his time, and that it was okay. As a side note here, I would like to say, buy Nabisco products. They employ very nice people. Since the milk was the last item on my list, and they didn’t have what I needed, nor was there anyone who knew where said milk might be hiding, I took off for the front to pay for my other groceries.

On the way to the front, I scanned every aisle in hopes that I would find someone who worked there, but, alas, they all remained elusive to me. I guess they had heard about the crazy lady with the red nose and were hiding. By the time I had reached the front of the store, I was ready to have a complete and total meltdown. Seriously. I wanted to cry over my lack of milk and the lack of anyone to help me find some. But even in the midst of this near hysteria, God intervened. The nice lady at the express checkout wasn’t waiting on anyone, and seeing that I didn’t have very many items in my cart (although it looked to be more than 20, which is the amount for using the express checkout, and I personally hate when people do that..that’s why it’s an EXPRESS checkout, but I digress) asked me if I was ready to checkout. I told her that I was, and she told me she would take me at her register. I asked if she was sure. She said yes, and I thanked her kindly. By the way, it was 23 items in case you were wondering. Fortunately, no one came up behind me while I was checking out.

I’m sure the people who were hiding from me while making my way to the front of the store were on their radios to the cashiers to be on the lookout for the lady with the red nose and to see if they could assist her and get her out of the store as soon as possible! Good thing, too! That woman being nice to me probably averted a total meltdown and the necessity for a phone call to the men in white!

And so went my weepy day. You’ll be happy to know the rest of the day passed without further incident.

Blessings,

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One of Those Days

I nearly had a panic attack this morning so completely overwhelmed am I feeling. Do you have those times? When you look around and feel like you could nearly suffocate from the seemingly overwhelming tasks that lie before you. Well, I’m having one of those days.

My daughter is on a year round school schedule. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that, it means that they do not attend school on a traditional calendar schedule. They attend school for nine weeks and then are out of school for three weeks. My daughter is tracked out right now, which means she is on one of her three week breaks.

Prior to her break, and during the first part of the break, she was sick. I am now sick with what she had. We usually try to take a little vacation during her track out times, and this time was no different. We had planned a ski trip to Wintergreen, VA, for this past weekend. Well, we went, but I was sick the entire time and am still getting over whatever this crud is.

Needless to say, I feel horrible physically. But now, I’m starting to feel horrible mentally and emotionally. My house is a wreck. I don’t feel like cleaning. We have laundry that needs to be done from our trip. I don’t feel like washing clothes. We had a horrible diet while we were away as the food choices were quite limited where we were, and we weren’t there long enough for it to make sense for us to buy stuff to cook. Even if we had, we literally had no where to put any groceries in the car for the trip home! Anyway, I don’t feel like cooking.

Add to this the fact that I believe God is calling me to a new area of ministry, and….well, quite frankly, I want to pull the covers over my head and not come out. I found myself telling God this morning that I couldn’t do it. He had the wrong person. I can’t have a ministry when I can’t even keep my house clean!

I don’t think I am an organized person by nature. My husband seems to think I have the personality for it as I am very methodical and meticulous. It is his opinion that I just need to learn the skills to know how to organize my time. Maybe he’s right. I don’t know. I only know I hate feeling like everything in my life is completely out of control.

As I was sitting there talking to God this morning, He spoke to my heart and said, “You can do all things through my Son who gives you strength.” My response was, “Yes, I know that Lord, but we’ve been down this road so many times. I always seem to end up in the same place. I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round and can’t get off.” I mean, really. I’m sick of having my life be this way.

I see that things need to be different, and I start on a path of trying to have that happen. I stay the course for a while, and then I’m right back to where I began. Sometimes I feel so frustrated I could scream.

I know what it really is. Spiritual warfare. And I knew it was coming. Anytime God is moving and big things are about to happen, the enemy goes on the offensive. I know he’s trying to distract me. I know he wants to make me feel inadequate and unable to do the tasks that God has called me to. I know that’s how Satan operates, and still I fall prey to his schemes. This is when I need to be even more in the Word and in prayer. God has promised me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is with me, and He knows when I am under attack. He promises me in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

No, I can’t do this in my own strength, but with His righteous right hand holding me up, there is nothing I can not do. Laundry, here I come.

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Train a Child

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6 NIV)

Last night as we were leaving the church parking lot after children’s choir, my daughter saw a bumper sticker on the back of a car. She read it out loud: 3 nails + 1 cross = 4gvn. She said to me, “Mommy, what do they mean?” I said, “Well, honey, they are referring to the three nails that were driven into each of Jesus’ hands and His feet when He was nailed to the cross. Because of His death and sacrifice, we are forgiven.” She then said, “They used nails?” I said, “Yes, honey, they used nails. Jesus suffered horribly. Before they nailed Him to the cross, they beat Him, they spit on Him, they placed a crown of thorns on His head. All of that happened before He was ever nailed to the cross. Nailing Him to the cross was what constituted crucifixion. That’s what it meant to be crucified.” She didn’t say anything else, and I pondered our conversation the remainder of the drive home.

Sometimes I wonder if she understands. I don’t think she does. I realize she is only six, and we all have to be wooed by the Holy Spirit. It’s in God’s timing, not my own. Still, I have a responsibility to teach her all that I can as often as I can. I admit, I fall down on the job. I get tired. I get busy. Sometimes it just seems like a lot of effort. But, how much effort is my daughter’s salvation worth?

I remember one time hearing my pastor say that WE are the one’s who need to lead our children to Christ. Don’t leave it to the Sunday School teacher, or the Children’s Minister, or the Youth Pastor. He’s right. I want to have the privilege of praying with my daughter to receive Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. Ultimately, her salvation is the most important thing, and if she prays somewhere else with someone else, that’s okay…as long as she makes the decision at some point. Still, God has entrusted this child to me, and He holds me responsible for teaching her His ways. I pray for His help to be adequate to the task.

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